No one ever tells you what being engaged is like.
Until you’re neck deep in trying on your 12th wedding dress, grappling with anxiety over the photographer’s vision of your wedding, and reeling over the cost of flowers and bridesmaids’ gifts. Somewhere amid all of it you’re trying to swim to the top and find the fresh air of the beauty of your flourishing relationship with the man you’re meant to be with forever, but it’s almost as if the quagmire of logistical nightmares keeps the joy of soaking in the moment at bay.
Today, I want to focus on what I’m learning in this season. Here are five areas of personal growth I’ve noticed in these two months I’ve been engaged:
- Decision making – whether it has been the wedding date, dress, décor, you name it, I’ve had to make these decisions. Typically, I chafe at making decisions on the spur of the moment. I like to deliberate, to digest my options, weighing the pros and cons. I’m still doing this. But I’m learning you must ultimately decide. You can’t always be in this uncertain space. You must choose your bridesmaids. You must stand up for yourself and say you want your wedding on a certain date. I’ve learned that sometimes you don’t always know one hundred per cent if that decision was the right one – not in terms of morals, but in terms of logistics. And sometimes you must learn from your mistakes. And that is OK.
- Patience – By no means am I telling you I am an expert at this. I only mean to say that I’m learning to be patient because it’s been thrust upon me. As I’m asked for the hundredth time how many people I will be inviting to the wedding and how I want to decorate, I’m learning to take a deep breath and pray every morning about my attitude. I’m not perfect but oh isn’t this such a good life lesson. Acknowledging that others don’t go at our pace or behave in a way we expect opens the door for us to respond in two ways. If we respond in a way that honors the Lord, he’s given us an opportunity to shine for him in those moments. I’m so grateful for this season of stretching because I’m learning that in every single moment, I’ve needed him more than ever, especially in being longsuffering when my impulse is to clapback with a snide remark.
- Switching your point of view: We’ve all been there. A too pushy relative or well-meaning friend will inevitably offer advice you don’t agree with, but I’m learning in this season to see it a little more objectively. They are just trying their best to offer friendly advice. At the end of the day the person in your life who is bombarding you with ideas of how they think your wedding should go is really just excited and happy for you. They want you to have the best day and offering ideas is their way of showing their excitement. They might be going through a rough time in their family or at work and they are trying to focus on something happy and fun. When you think of it from their perspective, you realize, maybe I should be more gracious and let them talk even if I disagree.
- Perfection: I’m also learning that there is so much pressure for women to look and be perfect on their wedding day. Without even acknowledging this, I started putting so much pressure on myself to not eat much and work out like crazy for the first few months I was engaged. Now I’m still trying to work out and eat healthy, but I’m learning that reading my bible and talking to my mom and taking my dog for a walk are equally healthy pursuits that I don’t have to forgo simply because I need to be a size 2 for my wedding dress. Not being a perfect tiny size is totally ok. Having alterations when the dress comes in is also totally normal and nothing we should be putting so much pressure on ourselves for. I guess the bottom line is, yes live a healthy lifestyle, but don’t just do it for your wedding or in a way that takes away your joy.
- Prioritize your Relationship with your SO. Another thing I’ve learned is don’t get so bogged down in wedding planning that your relationship with your fiance gets sidelined. I’m learning to instead shift my focus to building this relationship and developing this lifelong bond that will be there long after the extravagant ceremony is over, and the dinner is served and the guests have gone home. Chatting with my fiancé nearly everyday has given me so much peace about this whole wedding season because it reminds me that ultimately the next several months of engagement are just the beginning of a beautiful new season of life that the Lord is orchestrating for his glory. The Lord has something astounding to say to the world in marriage and he allows us to be a part of his story. I’m so grateful for the Lord’s love and grace in this season and how he has worked in my relationship with my fiancé and how he has shown Himself faithful in this relationship as it progresses towards marriage.
Anyway, that’s all I have for now.
I’ll check back in soon to give you all an update on how engagement season is going.
Until then,
Aimee
Sonnets of Style 
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